Blogger, poet, and author of funny smut. Books that are out now: Salty Aftertaste, Queer Dirty Laundry, The Garden of Fibs and Sin, and Mixed Tape (Poetry)
This is the first page to my upcoming novella, Queer Dirty Laundry.
40 Minutes After
I hung my head out of the passenger side window and breathed in the dewy air. A light breeze blew through my red hair as the car came to a halt at a traffic light. I watched as the sun dipped in and out of the clouds, but as the traffic light turned green and we started to move forward, my attention was drawn somewhere else.
All of a sudden, it was like an explosion that went off in my mind. All of these images and people became jumbled memories as my thoughts ran into one another. It was a slide show of my life moving too quickly. I never thought much about my death before, but as these images played out in my brain, it is all I could think about.
The things I wanted to do and the things I have done played a mental Lifetime movie starring a washed up actor with poorly dyed red hair. Was this going to be how my movie ended? Where is my happy ending? Do real people actually get a happy ending? What will people think of me when I’m gone? This Lifetime movie version of my life sucks. God, he is a horrible actor! I want someone with a cute butt at least!
You always regret the things you never had the courage to do. What screws everyone up the most are the pictures that play out in our heads of how our lives should be. Nothing haunts us more than the things we are too scared to say. I mean… I always thought my actions spoke for themselves, but sometimes people receive mixed up messages. They hear their versions of the truth, but never really know your version. There was still more I needed to say and things I needed to do, but apparently, fate had other plans.
I have always been a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. That just maybe the stars hold our fate. I would like to believe in fate. Serendipity. Kismet. I guess I am like a sappy Hallmark card in that way.
It is amazing how the human brain can think about so many things in the matter of a few seconds. I went from daydreaming about my day, to past memories growing up, to death. Now the images of people I love tiptoed into my distressed psyche.
I always thought I knew what love was, and I assumed I had been in love before, but now, at this very moment my head is cluttered with doubts. Were my past relationships real? Did those ex-assholes really love me? I doubt any of them actually did.
I wanted a knight in shining armor, but what I got were douchebags in ripped jeans. Maybe I had no idea what real love actually was. Maybe I missed him, maybe I have not found him yet, or maybe I just missed my chance.
Now I wonder if my serendipitous fantasies will ever come true. Is it too late? Has my time run out? Perhaps love is not this black and white; maybe it is mixed with an array of colors that you only see when you are truly ready.
Unfortunately, the only color I can see now is bright yellow. The sky is turning light gray, indicating that a spring storm is in the distance, but my focus is not on the sky—it is on the headlights of the tractor-trailer heading straight for the passenger side of our car. Maybe I will never get the chance to see those colors…
Queer Dirty Laundry is scheduled for release on June, 12th 2014. The ebook is available now for Pre-order at: iBooks, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and Amazon. Visit: JasonLloydBooks.com for more info.